It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
