who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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