That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
