I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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