Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
