And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
