I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
