I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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