OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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