my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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