There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
