Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
