I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
