vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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