Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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