I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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