you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
