do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
