I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
