the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
