Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
