I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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