I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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