It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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