I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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