Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
