I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
