I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
