guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
