some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
