oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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