I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize