All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
