how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
