you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
