hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
