onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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