i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
