I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
