when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
