i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
