I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
