and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
