The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
