That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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