508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
