Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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