She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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