90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
