Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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