You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
