never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
