I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm really into asian looking animals
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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