the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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