Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
