i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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