Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
