When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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