does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
