please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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