I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
