I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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