I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
