i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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