Porn is love you can see.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
